I don’t know how to write about today’s happenings, or even if I should. All the emotions I have felt in the past few hours are meaningless compared to the feelings of a being I attempted to help today.

My day started as most do. At 5 AM I took Apple for her morning walk. Once we were back inside she was playful and I began to play with her by covering her with her blanket and quickly pulling it off of her. A few minutes into our game I heard an odd sound. Part metal, part large soft blunt object, it was not a common sound. I look out the window facing a 5 lane highway to see a car stopped and another racing away. A few seconds later the stopped car drives off. I scan to my right and see a body flopping on the side of the road. I say body and many of you feel fear, but truly what does it matter if it is the body of a human or the body of a deer? Life is life and it should not be taken for granted. By taken for granted I don’t mean the life of our own as much as I mean the life of others, ALL others. It was indeed a deer. I slip into my flip flops and run out into the 35 degree air just as I did to walk Apple moments ago. I slowly walked up to the deer quietly whispering, “shhhhhshhhh”. He remained calm and allowed me to lay next to him and place a hand on his ribs. I began to caress him as I noticed he was bleeding from the mouth and had a compound fracture on a front leg. As traffic began to increase so did his fear. He leaped up to run, but did not make it far.

I ran for my keys and then to the truck. I first grabbed my jacket, but found some furniture blankets to cover him with. He was no where near where I had left him so I searched and found him about 200 feet away. I walked to him to cover him and he leaped again. Finally he made it to a patch of woods and it seemed the natural surroundings calmed him a bit. I covered him and picked him up into the truck bed where I covered, and strapped him the best I could.

I drove to a 24 hour vet where they told me not to bring him inside. After some pleading and bribes of paying cash up front they agreed to see him. With the energy I saw in him I knew he had what it takes to survive. Sure the internal bleeding and a compound fracture would not be suitable for a release into the wild, but I am not to judge who and how one lives.

The best answer I received from the vet was, “we will see what we can do”. I knew they would rather euthanize by bullet than to attempt amputation and care. Not even euthanasia by injection would have been considered. This would require a lesson into the present cultural anthropology in which I am surrounded. In other words rebel flags and gun fire all day long.

So at the end of the day the clinic tells me he did not survive. I’m out all of my savings from the past two years, and in general at a loss for any hope for humanity. All that said I am very thankful I could be by his side and attempt to help in what little ways I could. Those thoughts are only for me as what he felt at death was so much greater than any pity I could imagine for how I felt a loss of a being I was only close to for a very short amount of time.

I am certainly aware of the truths that humanity does not care for the creatures we share this planet. In fact much of humanity does not see beauty in these creatures and names them beast. Disease and vermin are associate with their existence. Looked down upon as if offering nothing to us other than a meal or a nuisance destroying your foliage.

I do not care how you judge me. I do not care of your false feelings. While I may not be as strong as I wish to be, my compassion is not to be seen as the weakness you feel for me. I am no less alive than you or any other animal I share this planet. I am no greater than those I share this air. I am alive, nothing more needs to be placed on my existence in order for you to respect my presence.

It is in these times I turn to the profound words of my brother Scott Angelicos. While the flame he held dearly when writing these words may have gone out in him, it burns brighter in me.

My disgust of people grows immensely

Humans are the most uncompassionate of all animals

Yet their brutality comes with a guise of humanity

I am told that I am wrong

Yet the only wrong I have committed is feeling compassion

I see atrocity and I don’t ignore it

Object compromise

I no longer feel compelled to be a member of the human race

I just consider myself a member of the animal kingdom

In ending I would like to say

Fuck you to all humanity.